John 21:20-21
“Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at table close to him and had said, ‘Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?’ When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, ‘Lord, what about this man?’”
When Jesus said to Peter “follow me” in verse 19 it appears that it might have a two-fold meaning. An obvious meaning was that Jesus wanted Peter to follow his leading, his example, and his direction for Peter’s life. However, it seems there’s a second meaning; I think Jesus was being quite literal when he said “follow me,” and he and Peter got up from the rest of the disciples and began to take a walk.
The text in verse 20 seems to point to that when it says “Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them.” In my vivid imagination the exchange between Jesus and Peter, as Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves him; after the third time Peter gets upset and frustrated with Jesus, and in that moment Jesus says something like “c’mon Peter, lets take a walk, just you and me, there’s more I want to talk with about, but these guys don’t really need to hear it.”
Imagine being in Peter’s sandals; Jesus had just explained to him what kind of death he was going to die, and in that moment Peter realizes it isn’t going to be pretty. Peter would be led captive similar to how Jesus was when he was arrested. Church history and tradition indicates that Peter was crucified, upside-down on an x-shaped cross, in Rome, which would explain Jesus’ comments when he said “when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18)
I can’t help but think for Peter it was a “holy crap” moment! In that moment of conversation with Jesus, Peter may be thinking to himself “hooooooly crap, THAT is how I’m going to die;” which may be the reason he says to Jesus what he does, “Lord, what about this man?” Peter looks over his shoulder and sees John following nearby and essentially asks Jesus, “what about John, how’s he going to die?”
I can’t count the number of times I’ve done something similar to what Peter did. I want to measure my faith walk against other people’s faith walk. I want to measure my dedication to Jesus against others’ dedication to Jesus. I want to compare myself to other disciples of Jesus. I want to look at my circumstances and say “why are you putting me through this; what about so-and-so?”
As with Peter, I think Jesus, in those moments, just wants to say to me, “hey, YOU follow me, YOU embrace what I have planned for you, and YOU let me worry about those other people. This is what I’ve called YOU to do with your life; are YOU going to do it?”
In that moment of conversation with Peter, I think that’s what Jesus is wanting from Peter. In some ways Jesus could be saying, “Peter, I just asked your three times if you love me; I just asked you if you love me more than fish and fishing, I just told you I’m all about you taking care of my sheep; now, are you going to buy-in to everything I want of you, or, will your commitment to me only be equal to what others’ commitment is. Are you only going to commit to me at the level that others are? I want EVERYTHING, Peter…EVERYTHING!”
“Jesus said to him, ‘If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!’” (v22)
Peter is learning in a very hard way how to give up his life; all his self-directed responses, all his impetuousness, all of his attempts at being in control and controlling the trajectory of his life. Peter’s surrender must have been similar to an addict coming off of crack or Jack Daniels—the withdrawal was agonizing, the temptation to go back to what was predictable and comforting was always prevalent, the “need” was deeply engrained in him, he had always physically reacted.
So often we think others’ life with Christ is so much more easy or sexy/glamorous than ours. Peter looked at John and hadn’t heard any discussion with Jesus that would indicate that John was going to die a martyr’s death. History and tradition however says that John too faced martyrdom when he was boiled in a huge basin of boiling oil during a wave of persecution in Rome. However, he was miraculously delivered from death. John was then exiled to Patmos with a sentence of working in the mines on the prison island. According to tradition John died as an old man, the only apostle not martyred. I’m not sure who had it worse, Peter, or John.
“So the saying spread abroad among the brothers that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, ‘If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?’” (v23)
I have a question at this point; when John writes “so the saying spread abroad among the brothers,” I wonder who spread this saying? John writes that he understood perfectly what Jesus had said to Peter; so logically, either Peter or another disciple spread this misunderstanding of what Jesus had said to Peter. I’m kind of thinking it was probably Peter himself, it fits his personality and reputation.
I do this too; sometimes I’ll have a conversation in which I almost paint myself and my experiences out to be unique in the entire world for all times. NOBODY as experienced what I have; NOBODY has been treated how I’ve been treated; NOBODY has had to endure what I’ve had to endure; NOBODY has ever felt what I’m feeling; NOBODY has ever been under duress or stress the way I have. Or, I’ll do the reverse; THAT PERSON over there (Christian) has had it so easy in life; THAT PERSON has never experienced pain, THAT PERSON was born with a silver spoon in their mouth; THAT PERSON has done all kinds of junk and still God blesses them.
“This is the disciple who is bearing witness about these things, and who has written these things, and we know that his testimony is true.” (v24)
John finally identifies himself as the author and witness to everything he has written about. This account by John must have been very challenging for him. How does one remain humble with the title “the disciple Jesus loved?” How does one write a first person account without making oneself the central figure of the story?
John focused his Gospel on Jesus; it was always about Jesus’ deity, Jesus’ love, Jesus’ power, Jesus being God. If John hadn’t experienced everything first hand, then the story might have been more about himself than Jesus. I think that holds true for us today also; when we experience Jesus first hand, he’s the one that we talk about most, think about most and are focused on the most. What’s most important to us is what we talk about the most. Jesus was the most important thing to John.
“Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.” (v25)
As John concludes his Gospel with this last statement it would be easy for us to think that the “other things” that John refers to here; things the “world itself could not contain” in books, would be things about Jesus’ life and what he had done in his 33+ years here on the earth. However, I really wonder if it would be about Jesus life as a man, or, would it be about Jesus as God. Jesus as God would fill every book that could ever possibly be written throughout all eternity and still never contained or never fully encompass all that Jesus is.
