I was spending time with God this morning; lately, for some reason, my times with God have been challenging in that there seems to be a heaviness that I cannot see weighing on me—a heaviness that no scale can weigh that keeps me from God.
It’s an oppression that sits on my shoulders like the awkwardness of a person one carries in a chicken fight in a swimming pool, with unseen tugging, unseen pressure as though invisible legs and arms are wrapped around me wanting to hold me in place, not allowing me to move, move toward God.
There seems to be a pushing of everything except God into my mind, a pushing like shoving a banana through a sieve, while I’m attempting to get centered on God. So I altered my approach to God differently. I opened my Bible to Luke 1; I had been meditating on Mary’s Magnificat in preparation for the Advent Season and a teaching that I’ll be sharing with our congregation.
Because of the oppression I decided to go on the offensive like Benjamin Martin in the movie The Patriot as he led the charge against the British while trying to convince his troops not to retreat.
I simply began to praise God by praying through the Magnificat. In her own words Mary understood the chosen position she was in and how God was weaving some new story into her life. I had Terry MacAlmon’s CD Live Worship playing and the song You Deserve the Glory washed over me like a warm bath and I found that place with God I’d been searching for.
When I reached verse 51 where Luke records “He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts” the Holy Spirit stormed into my consciousness and thoughts began to explode like fireworks across a July 4th sky. They were explosion of revelation of knowledge of God and the knowledge of me.
I’m awestruck in moments like this with God, how he pulls the curtain back and shows me what’s really behind it like Dorothy did with the Wizard in Oz. I’m convinced when I allow myself to retreat from all the clamor of life and settle into a quiet corner with God he takes me on a journey that’s deeper than can be measured.
A subdued grief overcame me as the Holy Spirit reminded me of what he’s rescued and saved me from. Memories came in torrents like a wild river into and out of my mind; days when I was arrogant and pride-filled, a great liar, a wretched thief, a hopeless teen, helpless in everyway. In that moment I sang with Mary my own personal Magnificat.
An image flashed through my mind in those moments of a sucker, a lollipop, something like a Tootsie Pop…and God pulled the curtain back further, and there working the controls of my life sat Bitterness. I cannot explain how God does what he does in my mind when he grants me this kind of revelation; it’s somewhat akin to a gardener shoving a handheld trowel into the ground to root out a carrot.
The thought of a lollipop instantly gave way to the thought of the Never Ending, Everlasting Gobstopper from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Even I thought it a bit strange, but God, as the Holy Uncreated One works in great mystery.
I saw the image of the Never Ending, Everlasting Gobstopper being the bitterness I’ve carried in life. I saw bitterness as a Never Ending Gobstopper that I’ve kept going back to it to, to have another lick. When I do I allow it to swirl in my mouth, rest on my tongue, until I get comfortably sticky with it and the flavor languishes for a long time.
The sweetness stimulates my memories, my thoughts, my wounds, and after some period of time the flavor dissipates and my saliva returns to the natural moisture, the natural tasteless liquid that’s constant and I’ve swallowed the last bit of Gobstopper juice.
I’m content for a while until I find myself craving the past, another taste of it, and I reach into the pockets of my mind and pull out my Never Ending, Everlasting Gobstopper for a few more licks.
The Gobstopper is never reduced in size; Gobstoppers, by nature of what they are can’t be diminished. Gobstoppers have to be thrown away if the life of them is to ever come to an end.
But getting rid of a Gobstopper is hard; it tastes so good, its addictive in a seductive way; its seductive because I can’t really see what it is that’s pleasing…it’s all on the inside…the ingredients. Ironically, the Never Ending, Everlasting Gobstopper in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was designed for poor kids who didn’t have the money to afford better candy—they were meant to last forever, and, they never lost their flavor.
Once birthed in me, I discovered that bitterness could last forever, just like a Gobstopper, as long as I’m allowing it a place in me. It took Mary’s Magnificat, in a time of pure worship to reveal what was keeping me from worship.